"It affected me off the pitch": Hearts defender Nathaniel Atkinson on beating himself up and turning the corner

When things are not going exactly according to plan after moving halfway round the world to fulfil a dream, it is easy to let it get you down but much harder to admit it.

Nathaniel Atkinson has done the hard part. He’s been open and honest with the coaching staff at Hearts. He’s been open and honest with his girlfriend and his family. He’s even opened up to reporters.

When the Australian international right-back lashed home that sensational left-foot volley to rescue a point for Hearts away to Kilmarnock in injury time on Sunday it also felt like he was unleashing pent up frustration and ridding himself of doubt. It was a moment of real quality which offered Atkinson a timely reminder of exactly why Hearts brought him over here in the first place.

The World Cup in Qatar is just a few weeks away, so Atkinson’s anxiety about his form is understandable. He’s not been bad by any means, but has found himself second fiddle to Michael Smith for most of the season. Smith’s injury scare, however, presented him with an opening on Sunday. It was an opportunity to stake his claim, get back on track, remind himself and the manager what he is capable of and cement a place in the Hearts team. Atkinson did all of that with an accomplished performance which should boost his confidence and dispel any lingering fears.

Nathaniel Atkinson produced an accomplished display and snatched the equaliser for Hearts against Kilmarnock, but feels it a performance long overdue. Picture: Rob Casey / SNS

“Personally, I’m my own harshest critic,” he explained. “I know my performances haven’t been up to standard. I got brought here for a reason and the start of this season just hasn’t been good enough for me personally.

“It’s probably affected me off the pitch more than anything, but I’ve been having long chats with the assistant coaches and they have been really helpful getting me in a positive mindset. I’m an attacking player, but I also want to do my defensive duties and I thought I did that [against Kilmarnock]. Coming back from the national team break, that gave me a bit of a lift as well.”

Atkinson is only 23 and made a very fast start to life in Edinburgh when he joined in January from Melbourne City and was thrust straight into the team. An Australian international call-up soon followed and he played a big part in the Socceroos’ qualification for Qatar in the play-off success against Peru in the summer. Hearts gave him an extended break as a consequence, which meant he returned towards the end of the pre-season programme.

He started the first game of the season, only to be taken off due to a bout of sickness. Since then, he has had a few chances to impress but has remained behind Smith in the pecking order and can’t quite put his finger on why he hasn’t lived up to his own high expectations.

It's been a period of self reflection for Nathaniel Atkinson at Hearts this season. Picture: Mark Scates / SNS

“Not really,” he says. “I started the first game and went off with sickness. Then Smudge [Michael Smith] came in and he’s done very well. But when I’ve had a chance I don’t think I’ve had the confidence to push on. I thought against Kilmarnock that confidence came back. I think it’s just about starting games with confidence. The World Cup coming up is that extra bit of motivation I needed.

“When results don’t go your way you start to think ‘are you to blame’. I tend to get into my emotions outside of football as well. It’s been good to have my girlfriend over from Australia to take my mind off it. It’s just about self reflection, looking at yourself in the mirror and asking what you can fix.”

Atkinson appears to have started the fixing process with his goal – his second one since joining Hearts – and performance at Rugby Park. He has a further chance to impress away to Fiorentina on Thursday and in the other games coming up before the World Cup begins in five weeks. “It was a disappointing result against Fiorentina last week, so we have an opportunity to fix it,” he adds. “It’s an open group, but a tough group as well and we want to be playing in these big games.

“Things have not been going our way lately. We missed a chance early in the game against Kilmarnock and after that it was a bit of a dogfight. But we definitely deserved the result. Kilmarnock’s second goal was a kick in the guts, but I looked around the team, and we were all disappointed, but we definitely had fire in our bellies to keep going. There was plenty of time left to get a goal and when we got it we kept pushing and got on top of it by the end of it.”

His reference to fire in the belly was probably as much about himself as it was about the team. He may have been too hard on himself, but Atkinson’s willingness to be up front about his struggle suggests he is doing everything in his power to get back to the level that he wants to be at. He has courage, determination and steel. He is on a mission.

“It’s always going to be difficult being away from family, but I’ve been away from home since I was 14,” he explained. “I’m from Tasmania. So I’ve built up a bit of armour. Being away from home, my girlfriend has probably struggled a lot more than me. So for me to help her through it has been good. Moving halfway across the world is never easy, but I think I’m built for this. There’s a reason why I’ve come all this way and it’s to achieve big things.”