Gary Flockhart: They don’t write ‘em like they used to

LISTS, schmists. The Top Ten this, the Worst Ten that... they’re everywhere. And while I tend to avoid them like Fringe flyerers on the High Street, I couldn’t help but have a gander at NME’s recent poll of the worst ever lyrics.

Granted, I expected to find the likes of Snap’s Rhythm Is A Dancer (“I’m as serious as cancer/When I say rhythm is a dancer”) in there, but was dumbfounded as to why The Killers’ “Are we human or are we dancer?” lyric made the list.

This isn’t a bad line, folks. It’s simply misunderstood. It was actually inspired by a disparaging comment made by Hunter S Thompson, where he stated that America was raising “a generation of dancers”.

Confusion apart, it’s nowhere near one of the worst lyrics ever written anyway. Not when wannabe pop poets are churning out lyrical howlers like these...

Razorlight – Somewhere Else: “I met a girl/She asked me my name/I told her what it was”.

Oasis – Champagne Supernova: “Slowly walking down the hall/Faster than a cannonball”.

Des’ree – Life: “I don’t want to see a ghost/It’s the sight that I fear most/I’d rather have a piece of toast/Watch the evening news”.

Katie Melua – Nine Million Bicycles: “There are nine million bicycles in Beijing/That’s a fact, it’s a thing we can’t deny”.

And my favourite worst lyric, courtesy of Busted’s Year 3000: “He said I’ve been to the year 3000/Not much has changed but they live underwater”.

When I interviewed Busted a few years ago, I couldn’t resist putting it to the band that the very suggestion we’ll all be living underwater by the year 3k is in fact a pretty colossal change. This just confused them.

That’s just my own personal take on the worst crimes against song. Who do you reckon is responsible for the worst lyrics of all time? Drop me a line: [email protected]