Dear Boris Johnson, you need to move on so we can have a party – Vladimir McTavish

Bizarrely, I find myself in agreement with Boris Johnson this week. The PM has said that it is time to draw a line and move on from Partygate. Absolutely.

Boris Johnson seems determined to party on (Picture: Matt Cardy/Getty Images)

However, what he fails to realise, and this where we disagree, is that the only way we can “draw a line and move on” is if he moves on and resigns.

I have lost track of the number of times that Johnson has insincerely claimed to be sorry since he was first found guilty of breaking his own rules. I have lost count of the number of different lies he has told and the different spins he has put on the numerous versions of events we have been given since January.

At first there were no parties, then there may have been parties that he didn’t know about, then they were dressed up as “work events”.

But finally, thanks to ITV News, we have photographic proof of the PM at a seemingly drunken party. The fact that everyone else at the event was blurred or pixilated can be explained in three ways: one, they were so drunk they actually looked like that in real life; two, the person who took the photo was so wasted they couldn’t hold the camera straight; or three, Boris was so inebriated that’s what everyone else looked like in his eyes.

In one of his many “apologies”, Johnson mumbled that it was vital that he stayed in Downing Street so that he could tackle the ‘Cost Of Living Crisis’. Would that be the same Cost Of living Crisis that you created, Boris?

Rishi Sunak has now, of course, addressed that crisis by bringing in the measures that every opposition leader had been demanding for the last five months. So, we don’t really need Boris at all. We just need to listen to Labour, the Lib Dems and the SNP.

Douglas Ross now thinks Johnson should resign once the war in Ukraine has been resolved. Given the number of knots in which he has twisted himself on the subject of the PM’s future, I reckon Scotland’s Tory leader must have been a boy scout.

His most recent idea makes absolutely no sense for two reasons. Firstly, no-one knows how long the war in Ukraine could drag on. Secondly, Johnson can hardly be seen as a major player in the conflict, despite his delusional posturing.

OK, he did visit Ukraine, where he promised Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky more armaments than the UK military actually possesses. But then, we all know how good Johnson is at keeping promises. I’m somewhat surprised he didn’t arrive in Kyiv on a bus with his pledges to the Ukrainian people written on the side.

He only partly kept his 2016 promise to provide more cash for the NHS by persuading a 99-year-old war veteran to walk around his garden. Now that Captain Tom has kicked the bucket, where’s the money going to come from?

So we do need to draw a line, the Prime Minister does need to go. Although, I don’t mind if he stays on until August, as half of my Fringe show is about him and I’d hate to do a major re-write this late.

Once he does resign, then the rest of us can all have a party.