Mr Hayley, my lobster, gets a discount gift as he turns 40 – Hayley Matthews

Mr Hayley turned the big four-oh during the week.

Happy 40th birthday to Mr Hayley! (Picture: Frank Reid)

And – having already had his present a few weeks ago (see previous article about our beautiful female Cypriot lodger who he's in love with) – I decided to just get him a few little things.

With him being a bit tight, I knew he'd rather that I didn't spend much extra on him. So in a moment of genius whilst paying for my shopping, I decided to raid the checkout bin in Morrison's for a few money-off vouchers – trust me this is right up his street!

The vouchers were winking at me from the bin, pleading to be saved as they were surely destined for the shredder. Amongst them were £1.25 off a £15 shop, 75p off a £10 shop and even better still, £1.50 off a £15 shop.

Making sure my eldest son was keeping lookout, I dove my hand in to the bucket of sweetie wrappers, receipts and vouchers like a grabber hand at the amusements and I did well.

With an accumulation of vouchers equivalent to about £20 off at least a £250 shop, I decided they would be a nice edition to the inside of his birthday card this year.

Don't worry I'm not completely miserable, we did give him a few wee treats and a pair of new trainers. Mainly because the wee man spewed on his favourite pair during the week and there’s a massive queue for the washing machine – winter bugs eh?

Happy Birthday, my lobster – only Friends fans will get that reference.

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