Prince Harry's autobiography Spare will soon be filling the charity shops of Stockbridge – Vladimir McTavish

I hear Prince Harry’s autobiography Spare sold more than 1.4 million copies in the UK, the US and Canada on its first day.
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This represents the highest-ever first-day sales of any non-fiction book released by its publisher Penguin Random House. In certain parts of the country, people have been queuing up to buy copies. It’s supposed to be a tell-all autobiography. I suspect that, aside from the extracts trailed in the media, it probably tells very little. And it was almost certainly written by somebody else.

Am I the only person to ask why people want to actually buy a copy of this drivel? We know all the best bits already, don’t we? He took cocaine, he killed 25 people in Afghanistan, he was, allegedly, knocked to the floor by his brother. Blah, blah, blah. That’s surely enough of that, in my opinion.

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Like him, loathe him or don’t give a damn, I don’t understand the grief Prince Harry has been getting in some quarters. Give the bloke a chance, he’s trying to sell a book, and so have the publishers’ PR department. As far as I’m concerned, the only crime he has committed has been to give TV, the press and the public yet another opportunity to talk about the Royal Family. If I hear Nicholas Witchell’s obsequious tones one more time on the BBC, I’m going to cancel my licence fee, regardless of the consequences.

The bottom line is that, despite the best efforts of the BBC’s fawning Royal correspondents, the so-called journalists on Heat magazine and the right-wing morons who write for the Daily Mail, it is impossible to escape the conclusion that Prince Harry is a very dull man. The only thing interesting about him is that he is marginally less boring than his brother and a country mile less soporific than his dad.

I suspect that by the time readers have yawned their way through the remaining 400-odd pages, they are going to be very bored indeed. I reckon even the ghostwriter was nodding off to sleep as they scripted chapter three.

I’d be willing to bet that by mid-February, the bookshelves of every single charity shop in Stockbridge will be packed with hundreds of spare copies of “Spare”.