Who was it, who gave me this yucky cold? SuperSneezeman in the pub? Goose-honk-man on the bus? – Susan Morrison

Ye gods and little fishes, people! Have the last three years taught us nothing? Sniffs and sneezes spread diseases.

Remember, coughs and sneezes spread diseases, so please try to use a handkerchief (Picture: Fox Photos/Getty Images)

I’m not demanding mass masking and social distancing, although it's got to be said I’m starting to see some advantages in both, but the judicious use of the simple paper hanky can be very beneficial.

On the bus earlier this week, I sat opposite a young man who gurgled and honked like a Canada goose looking for a mate. It was an incredible noise. He had no hanky, but got around that problem by rubbing his fingers about his face. He then got off the bus and made sure he used every single pole and seat back. You bet I’m wearing gloves until spring and hand sanitizer is permanently in my pocket.

A woman coughed and hacked her way around the supermarket, making sure she left an invisible plume of bugs and bacteria in her wake. In a pub, a bloke sneezed with such ferocity I thought it was a superpower.

Perhaps it's time for the return of the public information films we used to see warning us about dangerous waters, playing in farmyards and spreading diseases. Terrifying. These days you wouldn’t get away with that sort of thing without a trigger warning, but by jingo they worked. To this day, I live in dread of climbing up electricity pylons to rescue a rogue kite, and always, always fly kites well away from all forms of power generation. I ensure this by not flying kites.

Obviously, I’m ticked off about all this bug sharing, because I’ve been felled with all the sneezing, honking, coughing yuckies. I found a leftover pandemic throat tickler and checked. Nope, not Covid. Just the good old Scottish cold. I’m surrounded by a steadily growing wall of paper hankies whilst mainlining Lemsip and watching rubbish telly. I missed my friend's birthday party, so you bet I’m a little ray of sunshine right now.

So, people, let's go into 2023 with one resolution and let's make it a commitment to four-ply paper hankies.

A happy and healthy new year!