Whoops, I don’t think I’ll ever be quite ready for the apocalypse

I shop in my bed, everything from tins of Italian tomatoes to hospital grade hand sanitiser (I am preparing for the coming apocalypse, which I thought was going to be a war with Putin’s Russia).

‘If terrorists brought down the national grid, water treatment facilities and other infra-structure, I think we might need more than a few bottles of water and tins of beans to survive,’ says our columnist

I stay in touch with friends and foe alike via social media. And I manage my money via several banking apps. When I say manage, I use the term loosely.

I regularly move cash around to avoid one or more of my accounts dipping into overdraft. I often ‘borrow’ from the pot titled TAX, and in my latest attempt at getting rich quick, I have set up a share trading account on the recommendation of a good friend - though I am doubtful I will make much profit investing a few pounds every month in my favourite shops.

Even my health is dependent on the internet. It is how I order my regular supply of blood pressure medication and where I check whether a headache is a brain haemorrhage or a hangover. It is always a hangover.

If the internet was to go down or the banking system was hacked, I would be in a mess. I can’t remember the last time I carried cash, and I have no idea of my husband’s phone number, let alone my GP surgery’s or a number for an emergency plumber. Yet I fear we are heading for a global disaster.

A few days ago, the cryptocurrency giant Binance suffered the world’s biggest hack – losing nearly £5 billion of digital assets. Apparently, one of their engineer’s laptops had been compromised.

I still don’t really understand how cryptocurrency works, but £5 billion is a lot to lose.

And last month has become known as “Black October” after AI exposed serious flaws in the technology underpinning much of the internet, causing a global cyber-security alert.

Even Edinburgh City Council was affected, as it was forced to pull pages from its website to secure them.

Just as I don’t understand Bitcoin, I can’t really get my head round how I can type “latest trends in winter boots” or “diet-friendly Christmas lunch” into my phone’s search engine and within seconds be inundated with more information than I can ever use.

But I rely on the internet being safe to use and I can’t envisage life without it or if it were attacked.

Imagine the havoc terrorists could cause if they used AI to bring down the national grid, water treatment facilities and other critical infrastructure.

I think we might need more than a few bottles of water and tins of beans to survive such a deadly strike.

“We will just have to do what your mum did,” says my husband, which was to hide £20 notes in her freezer and stockpile dog food, though in our case, it would have to be Dreamies for our cat.

What would be the point, I wonder, if I wasn’t able to watch series 4 of The Diplomat on my phone?

Life really will not be worth living if the internet crashes, yet I fear it might.