Come on in, the water’s lovely, but forget Gertrude’s goggles - Susan Morrison

David Wilkie wins gold in the breaststroke at the 1976 Olympic Games in Montreal

Continuing my adventures in swimming, I have invested in goggles. In my young days, we did not do goggles. Well, for one thing, there weren’t any.

Only motorcycle riders wore them. Gertrude Erdle wore an adapted pair in 1926 when she became the first person to swim the channel using the front crawl. A mighty achievement but had she rocked up to Bellshill Baths in 1967 sporting paraffin soaked motorcycle goggles, the whistle-blowing would have been epic.

Goggles appeared later, but they were wildly considered the mark of the wuzz. What child of Scotland was not proud to exit the baths with eyes burning for days? Well, our own David Wilkie for one. He won medals in the Olympics wearing goggles, and was clearly not a wuzz. He also wore a swimming cap. We did wear swimming caps when I were a lass, but not like the ones worn by Mr Wilkie.

Yesteryear’s ladies’ caps were far too decorative for record-breaking Olympic swimming. Inspired by Esther Williams, our caps were covered in rubber flowers or glittery shellfish, and all fastened securely under the chin by a massive rubber band specifically designed to cut into the top of the throat. You could see the marks for hours.

The new caps are sleek and funky. I’ve bought one of these too, in the wild and mistaken hope that it makes me look more like a sportswoman and less like a whale.

It’s not only the womens fashions that have changed. Men appear to have quietly retired the micro-Speedo. The baggy trunk is much in evidence. This is a good thing. The budgie smuggler is only a good look on a wet Olympian such as Mark Spitz. Which reminds me. What’s the difference between Mark Spitz and Walt Disney? Mark spits and Walt disnae. Love that joke. It’s ours, you see. No other nation on earth can tell it.

The staff have certainly changed. Gone are the grim faces and the incessant ear-splitting whistling. The lifeguards seem happy to see people in the pool. So, goggles on and carry on swimming. Come on in, the water’s lovely.