I’ve heard some shocking things while travelling on a bus – Christine Grahame

Public transport is a place where some people seem happy to reveal more than they perhaps should, writes Christine Grahame.

Look out for your fellow passengers – are they eavesdropping? (Picture: Jane Barlow)

Now, I’m not condoning spying on folks for there is a clear and moral distinction between eavesdropping and ­spying. The first just happens, the ­latter is planned.

Public transport can provide a wealth of eavesdropping experiences. I can think of one or two in particular over the years.

The first takes me right back to the Falklands War, so that’s a few decades back. Two Edinburgh women were discussing the pros and cons but for them there were no cons. It was all, about “bashing the Argies”. So jingoistic were their views that at one point I had to restrain myself from betraying that I was party to their conversation by butting in with a few critical phrases. That of course would have been a bad move. Just as the Falklands was. Lives lost on both sides unnecessarily.

Christine Grahame is the SNP MSP for Midlothian South, Tweeddale and Lauderdale

On another occasion a care worker discussed the entire episode of a visit to one of her patients at mega volume on her mobile, providing the entire No 26 with more information than we cared to share. Her final comment was that, and I quote, she “had to wipe his bum”.

Mr Parrot to the rescue

All I can add to that is thank goodness she didn’t name the poor soul and I suspect many of us were taking mental notes to ensure that she never cared for any of our loved ones.

Then there was the express from Tranent to Edinburgh and return. The same folks took it morning and night and being tired in the morning and tired at night we were a taciturn lot. I recall one pinstriped chap in particular whom I called Mr Parrot on account of his rather large nose (I am not proud of this but he will never know so there was no harm to him).

Anyway, there we are on the evening return journey and the last Edinburgh stop is at the end of London Road. We all begin to nod off as usual knowing that the driver will sharply apply his brakes at the next stop, the Brigend in Tranent, to wake us all up.

Not a bit of it – we find we are stopping on the Portobello Road. We relax. It’s an easy mistake. But no, he makes another two unscheduled stops. Mr Parrot springs into action, strides down the bus to communicate politely but firmly with the driver as to the dos and don’ts of the route. Some of us smile in support as Mr Parrot returns to his seat.

Driver wins us over

That should be that but no, a few stops later and we halt again. Mr ­Parrot marches to the driver in his cabin and forcefully reprimands him. We indicate we are grateful with nods and thumbs up.

Ah, but the Express saga has a final stage. Out swings the drivers gate, and he stands before us like Mark Anthony delivering his soliloquy.

It turns out he had been told via the ubiquitous mobile that his home has been burgled, his wife is distraught and that’s why he can’t concentrate. Well, support for Mr Parrot evaporates like snaw aff the dyke. We are now all team driver.

You see how careful you must be with what you do and say on the buses. The passengers may look as if they are minding their own business but pay attention, they may, because of what you do and say, be minding yours.

Christine Grahame is the SNP MSP for Midlothian South, Tweeddale and Lauderdale.