Last minute Christmas shopping is no laughing matter - Susan Morrison

A steady stream of DPD, Amazon and Evri have knocked on the door or at least claimed to. One package was discovered under the rose bush at the bottom of the garden, presumably dumped by a narked stork.

Well, Scotland's birth rate has been dropping. If those big birds don't have enough baby deliveries to keep them busy, they'll obviously have to diversify their services.

It must be said our Royal Mail postie has done sterling work with a cheery smile.

There’s a small mountain of cardboard boxes building up in unexpected places all over the house. Hilariously, my husband thinks I don’t know where he hides my Christmas presents. I’ve known ever since I accidentally took those floorboards up years ago.

I do worry about the boxes. I’m not sure what to do with them post-festives. It's not like I’m up on current Blue Peter building projects. It's been a while since I’ve heard “take a cardboard box and a roll of sticky back plastic and today, children, we’ll make a working model of the Sizewell B Nuclear Power plant.”

You can feel panic rising as people realise delivery deadlines are looming and it's time to get personal with the shopping. Of course, by ‘people’, I mean ‘blokes’. Online shopping set them free from the retail combat zone, but only if they paid heed to the calendar. Otherwise, it's the St James Quarter on the last weekend before Christmas. Not for the faint hearted.

Treat yourself to a break from the festive fury. Join me at 5.00 on Sunday in the peaceful haven that is The Stand Comedy Club for Historically Funny, a look at the frankly bonkers history of Scotland. Discover just how that party animal John Knox dealt with the pressure of Christmas shopping. Short answer, he banned it. A nation rejoices. Well, the men at any rate.

Come along, have a drink, rest your weary shoppers legs and exercise your laughing muscles. Restore yourself for the last big push.